The "Perfect" Side Chick

So once again, I'm sure I'll get bashed for "condoning" "encouraging" and "birthing" Side Chicks. Because Cutty gets blamed for all the evils of the world. But I mean, it's what's going on already... I'm just trying to organize the chaos... But anywho.... If you are a side chick, have a side chick, or intend to be a side chick...Or think you'll NEVER be a side chick,  then you need to hear this...

#1 Know WHAT you're in it for!  Always remind yourself of your position, and play it. I have a huge problem with females who don't know what or why they have "settled" for this position. Never be the side chick for the MAN... Because EVENTUALLY you are going to want him to yourself. If you "love" him "that" much, then why wouldn't you want him to yourself eventually? The problem with you wanting the man is that if you finally get to a point where you know you can't have him then you're going to make sure everyone else is unhappy too. Don't debate! Don't degrade yourself for no benefit. What are you getting out of this? What does he do for you? Are the lonely nights, holidays, being called a hoe by everyone else and having to STFU worth what you get out of the situation? Is he supportive? Does he respect you? Does he "love" you? Is your rent paid? Do yall go on trips and dates? Does he pay your tuition or helping with your loans? Is he funding your new business endeavor? Or is that all for an orgasm? Or no orgasm at all, just a dick?

#2 Shut him down if he ever brings her up. If he brings up her up in conversation, tell him the FIRST time "I don't want to hear anything about her, because #1, all that's going to do is make you think its ok to always do it. #2 Its annoying. And #3 I'm a girl, I'm jealous by nature. Don't give me rules, I know the rules. I follow Passport Cutty”

#3 Don't Care about "HER"... Don't ask about "her." Don't stalk "her." Don't spy on "her." Don't BOTHER "her." Don't talk shit about "her." If you're "so happy" then why are you worried about the next bitch? Apparently you're not really "happy"... And if you aren't, then why the hell have you "settled" to be in this position? Curiosity KILLED the cat. Once you open that door to be inquisitive concerning "her" you've started an internal silent competition between you two. She may not even know she has anyone she is competing with but now you're so bent on trying to be "better" or more "desirable" than her that now you've started going the extra mile for the same "position"...   

#4 NO DRAMA. Don't call her. Don't call their house. Don't post pics of you two. Don't tweet him. Don't hack his pages. Don't pop up where they're going to be. Don't call him if you know he's going home unless its an emergency. If he knows you never call while he's home and he sees you call, he'll be more inclined to answer it or return you're call fast because its out of the ordinary. Don't be the boy who cried wolf. You'll only be fucking your own self over in the end. If you create drama you'll wind up being more hurt and embarrassed when he kicks your ass to the curb. The silent side chicks get more and gets treated better. Well, if you demand it or else you'll just be the “convenient” side chick that just gets fucked.

#5 Don't get pregnant. If you're the side chick and you get pregnant its your fault. You look like you're trying to trap him. Yea yea yea, he knew what he was doing but protect yourself because as the girl, you're always going to get the shorter end of the stick. And even for all the money in the world, its not going to make you feel better if he still doesn't be with you. And now you have to explain to your child why daddy doesn't live with yall. Just don't do it.

#6 Don't tell your friends. I rather you talk to me than tell your friends. Unless you have GREAT friends like I do but most people hate their friends, they just can't get rid of them. Lol. But usually friends are going to make you feel stupid about what you're doing. They're going to tell other people what you're doing. They're going use it against you later. They're going to compare your relationship to theirs and then you're going to resent them. Not saying all friends do this but this is what "People" do and friends are "people" lol

#7 Don't Promote yourself. Don't think you're anything more just because you've met his friends and family. They all smile in your face just like they do his girl. So fuck his family and his friends. And remember that you're STILL, the side chick.

#8 Don't be the pot who called the kettle black. Don't tell people "she" is stupid because she knows about you... Because you're stupid too for knowing about "her"...

#9 NEVER be a side chick to a bum or a broke dude. Bums and broke men shouldn't even have the time to be fucking more than one bitch. They need to spend that extra time on getting their damn life together. If you're the side chick to a bum or a broke man, then YOU'RE a BUM too.


#10 Don't believe Shit he says. Chances are, if he's a cheater then he's a liar. Don't believe his side of the story because there's two more but you shouldn't CARE because that's not your business! RIGHT? You're in this for how he treats YOU and what he does with YOU and FOR YOU. So do not worry about the other things that does not concern you because he is going to LIE about it 7 times out of 10. 


#11 Protect your health. Do not assume that he is being monogamous to the two of you. You want him to be a "faithful cheater?" Oh. If you feel like his girlfriend and he is cheating on his REAL girlfriend, please assume that you are not the exception.  

#12 NO BLACKMAIL Do not save receipts, texts, videos, pics, clothes, screen shots etc for blackmailing purposes. This is a NO NO! Don't be the scorned side chick... If you would have followed the first 11 rules then you wouldn't be so devastated when its all over. You shouldn't have settled for this position if you couldn't handle it. Blackmailing won't erase your pain, won't change things and most likely won't make her leave him. But now you've burned your bridge with him fully and forfeited the chance of you ever being able to contact him in the future for a favor or help.

#13 Don't forget rule NUMBER ONE!!!

Follow these rules and you won't have to cry yourself asleep to Adele. When it's all said and done, you can walk away and say “that was great while it lasted”.... Now on the the next... 


*PS* "Faithful Side Chicks" usually get more hurt in the end.  

Mission Impossible

Giving head, is just not my thing. Nothing about it turns me on... Do I pretend it does to him? Yea *yawns*... But the whole time I'm doing it, I'm just hoping he's done before I'm done. *yawns* Cuz he is going to be mighty mad once my "dick sucking" timer is up.

Til this day, I don't know if I'm good or bad at it... Because I usually get stopped in under 5 minutes which is FINE by me... Either they cum, or they say "I want that pussy now"... Cool... But let's go from start to finish of WHY this is just not for me.

First of all, these men are very creatively RUDE with how they ask/hint for it these days. Which is annoying in itself. I think these rappers got these dudes very confident that my lips are SUPPOSED to be wrapped around their dick. And they love using some sort of "line" to get their point across... "What dat mouth do?" "You sucking or not" "Your mouth ain't bleeding" "Those lips tho!" "I wanna see if you give good brain like you graduated from a good school" And don't let y'all be in the car together, they're placing your hand on their lap so you can feel their dick hard...smh... I can't...

The position is a complicated enough decision for me... Should he be standing, sitting or laying? Should I be in between his legs, on the side of his legs, hanging from the ceiling? Should I be naked or clothed? Shoes or no shoes? UGH, I'm annoyed already.

Being clothed is wack cuz then when you wanna stop, you still gotta take your clothes off after. Then what if he stops you while you're doing that and says he don't wanna fuck? Then you're gonna feel stupid as shit. At least naked you can just hop on the dick so fast, he won't know what hit him. But then naked you still have to be artistic with your body positions... arch your back, prop up your ass, suck your stomach in *UGGGHHH*... But sucking in your stomach got you holding your breath. But how are you supposed to hold your breathe while sucking dick? You got other shit to worry about in your mouth.

Now, where are my eyes supposed to be? Looking at him? These dumb ass pubes? Closed? But looking at him is fucking with me cuz I can't read his reaction with his eyes closed! Is he picturing a prettier, sexier, longer haired bitch? Or is he trying to be considerate of me feeling uneasy?
If he isn't shaved, I'm pissed... like "this nigga aint get the damn memo YET? He don't got bbm, twitter, iMessage, or television?" Wtf. But If he is shaved, I'm thinking "another bitch told him to, I know it"... Even though ain't NOTHING worse than having to stop and find that ONE straggly hair on your tongue that's annoying the fuck outta you while you're trying to get this dick to cum. GRRRRRR

So now my mouth is on it...its only been 29 seconds and my knees are hurting... I'm holding it with one hand for now and I wanna make it wetter but I HATE saliva. Especially the smell on my hands. Spitting on the dick is stupid to me. And I need to save all the saliva I can produce to talk for two hours on my radio show every Tuesday....... I'm just saying... So I'm jerking and sucking, consciously tryna keep my teeth covered because I scraped a few niggas before. Yikes. My mouth is very shallow so I'm only on about 3/8 of the dick... My hand is consuming the other 5/8 of it and my lips are meeting my hand on each jerk... BUT NOW he got his hand on my head tryna push more dick in my mouth.... Wait.... Do you see my skin color? Its Brown... You don't touch a black bitch's hair... Now he pissed me off... So I move his hand cuz I'm not walking outside looking crazy. I don't care if you paid for it or will pay for it to get done again... Anywho. So now I go down to the balls. Depending on the dude they're either BIG and tight or saggy and small. I like the saggy ones cuz they're easier to maneuver in your mouth. But they kinda run from you when you're tryna get them in it at first. But whatever. One ball in my mouth at a time and lightly suck on it, all while still jerking the dick... He actually just got even harder and Just said "hmmm damn baby, oh shit". Ok so he likes this. Aight cool, so he gonna cum soon... We might only be at 3.5 minutes right now but in "dick sucking" minutes it feels like 15. So I go back up to the dick, I'm sucking the shaft sideways on the back where that brollic "tube" like thingy is inside his dick. He moaned again... Oh he likes that too. *mental note"... So now he is into it... Dick is back in my mouth, and he is semi grinding... Looks a lil gay but I'll let him slide right now cuz its just us. But now he's talking ..."You love this dick?" *shakes head yes and moans mmm hmm* "You miss this dick?" *shakes head again and moans mmm hmm*... But now that vibration from the *mmm hmm* got him hype and he likes that so now he asking me more dumb ass questions....*eye roll*........Now he advanced on to wanting me to talk dirty to him... "Tell daddy you love this dick"... "You want me to cum? Tell daddy you want me cum" "you want that cum in your mouth? You gonna swallow it for daddy? Tell me you gonna swallow it for daddy"... *Wait*... *How the FUCK am I supposed to say all that shit with a dick in my mouth?* That shit doesn't sound sexy with a dick in your mouth... It sounds like "dhghdvfklvrvhdxtywfhus" *eye roll*
So I take the dick out and say "I love this dick daddy."

So now I'm sucking HARD, jerking fast with a rhythm, alternating between the balls, shaft and head. I'm cuffing the balls when I'm on the head...jerking the head when I'm on the balls...I'm using two hands here and there but that smell of saliva is pissing me off. Its like washing my hands in spit, YUCK... But NOW he just asked me if I love sucking his dick... HELL NO... But I say YES.

My knees are really hurting now and he wants me to play with my pussy... Wait... *You're really asking for a lot man*... I aint tryna be here all damn day. Cuz now you're not gonna wanna cum til you know I'm cumming. And I don't wanna make myself cum. That's for YOU to do because for all of that I coulda fucking masturbated and called it a day without having to suck any dick...

So I pretend like I'm doing it for a second, then I go back to using two hands on him trying speed this mission up.. I'm moaning, sucking HARDER, pissed cuz I know the imprint of my teeth about to be in my gums but I really want him to cum and the pressure is about to make him bust. So at this point I gotta make him think I want this dick juice... So I say "I want that cum, give it to me"...he gets hyped... Cuz he think ima swallow... He asks am I gonna swallow. I say yea... I'm lying though. And I REALLY don't want it in my mouth cuz its hard getting the taste out my tongue... Shit smells like "chlorox clean up" and tastes like the Atlantic Ocean... But I just wanna be done already, cuz we mighta hit 6 mins by now which is 23 mins in "dick sucking" time.

He finally says "oh shit baby, you about to make me cum" so I FINALLY get enthusiastic cuz I wanted to stop 5.582 mins ago and its only been 6. So he says "I wanna cum on your face"... *shit better for me cuz I rather wipe it off my face than feel that tingling sensation in my tongue all day* ... So I'm sucking, moaning, jerking, slurping, and angling my face to catch this cum and he starts squirming and warning me and then SCREAMS like a bitch! I know its time to put it on my cheek but the shit shot in my fucking HAIR... So I jump up, not giving a fuck about his nut and run to the bathroom cuz this cum is gonna make my hair hard and if I wipe it off with water its gonna make my hair curl up.... FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

There's No Such Thing as "Vice Versa"

If there's one thing I hate.... Its when people think men and women can do the same things "vice versa"....... ALL day long when I tweet things about a female or a male doing something a certain way, I get retweeted with the response "and vice versa".... I don't care what anyone else says or thinks... Men and women are not "equal"...We're different... PERIOD... Women, you can't do everything a man does... Give it up! Men, stop starting to do stuff that women do...Like Gossiping... PLEASE! Women, you don't pee standing up and can't get other people pregnant. Men, you don't get a period (lucky you) and you don't carry a baby in your stomach. You two creatures are NOT the same...  Stop comparing two things that aren't in the same category. That's like comparing a truck and a car... You can't say one is better than the other because they serve different purposes...  Same with males and females.... I hate to hear chicks say, "well if men do it, why can't we?" Or "Men do it all the time" ..... OK and???....  YOU can't change the world, so if its set in stone that if a girl fucks a lot of men, she's a hoe.... Then bitch, you a hoe! Don't defend yourself if you want to go against the grain... Just accept it. If you think its ok for you to be with multiple men at the same time because men do it with women, its not... And honestly, its not that its not ok, but no one should know... Its not something that you should try and make a statement about. That's fighting a losing battle... You will NEVER win. There's no such thing as "vice versa" when it comes to us. 

Because we're "Ladies"... People expect us to be "Ladies"... Why would you want to be considered anything else trying to do what a man does? Whether its "fair" or not, some things just shouldn't be fought against. For the most part the responsibilities, roles, etiquette etc between men and woman balance each other out...  There's things men DON'T want to do. And there's things women DON'T want to do. So if you want to keep pulling the "vice versa" card, you might as well just be alone since you think you can do everything the opposite sex does. 

Chicks should be "happy" that there are different standards between men and women...  According to my TL, its ok for a 27 year old girl to still live at home depending on the circumstances...  But it's not ok for a man. Men have a lot more pressure on them to be "independent" by as young as 18. That's hard... I couldn't imagine having to take care of my own household by 18 years old... I was still wearing Jordans and making $1000 a month at Bloomingdale's. But for men to not be considered  a "bum" or a "Mama's boy" he's expected to hold his own weight from the time he can buy cigarettes. As a female, could you handle the same expectations? 


For the most part, it's usually females trying to pull this "equality" card. Females are always screaming about a "double standard"...But "double"  means "duplicate" or "twice as many"... So "duplicate" would mean we have the SAME standard, which we don't so that term doesn't identify it at all... And "twice as many" would mean something like "if a man cheated on you with 20 girls, its ok for you to cheat on him with 10 men"... Uhm... Yea, so "double standard" isn't really the term females need to be using in their defense. So something like "cheating on him, because he cheated on you" is never really going to work out in your favor. The statement you're trying to make will always backfire because that's not in the "description" of a "lady, woman, girlfriend." But, if you want to be a "slide or hoe", then cool. 


So the moral of the story is... Pick your sex, study your standards, and know your role.  

The Price of "Loyalty"

I'm trying to understand this "Loyalty" thing... This word gets thrown around a lot these days. I've been hearing "I'm very loyal"... "Loyalty is Vintage"... "I need loyal people in my circle" etc etc.... I'm convinced that people make up their own meaning for it as they go along. They tend to throw the word "loyalty" out when they don't want to be wrong, when they don't want to own up to their own shit and when someone else being "loyal" is in their favor. But if you didn't know, "loyal" is not self proclaimed... You're labeled loyal. And how can you call yourself a "loyal" person? Are you loyal to everyone? Just family? Just friends? Just your partner? Who? And just because you're loyal to one person or a select few doesn't make you a loyal person overall. What does it mean to be a "loyal" person? I'm going to explore “loyalty issues” in a couple of categories.

Now we've had this debate before, as far as “loyalty” in relationships are concerned... I personally believe that even unfaithful people can be considered loyal in a relationship. I've seen it time and time again first hand... Now people say that being loyal includes being monogamous... I do not agree. There are plenty of people who cheat for whatever reason and have NO intention of trading in or forfeiting their primary relationship for anyone else. Now some will say, “...but they are forfeiting it by cheating”... But I say, “ Not if they don't get caught” … There's a respectful way to do disrespectful things. And yea, I know all of this sounds bad... BUT life is BAD! In this circumstance, my argument is a huge contraction especially because there's no way to explain, condone, or defend cheating but you just gotta be realistic that it HAPPENS... So IF it is gonna happen at LEAST take precaution enough for your mate to not find out. Geez.

Moving right along ... I hate when friends try to pull the “loyalty” card when they EXPECT you to be on their side no matter what... Loyalty is not about me always agreeing with you... Loyalty is me being able to tell you “you're WRONG”.........And If you're WRONG... you're WRONG... I would NOT be a GOOD friend if I let you believe that I agreed with you and I don't. Now sometimes, there's friends that you don't tell them that they're wrong... and that's fine  because some people can't take criticism... but DO NOT tell them you AGREE. Some people don't even give you the chance to state your opinion because their standpoint on it is so solid that you know its pointless playing the devil's advocate with them. But always stand for what you believe in and have a healthy enough friendship that you can agree to disagree. You should never question a person's friendship or “loyalty” because they don't have the same point of view as you.

Lets talk about family for a minute... A lot of people are VERY family oriented... Family over everything... Not me... I treat my family, like regular people... Because thats what they are... "Regular people"... Sharing the same blood does not exempt them from “fault”... Murderers, child molesters, and rapists, are Someone's family too... Should you condone or defend that because they're your son or sister? People think you're obligated to them because of the kinship... I do not agree with this... Some people say I think like this because I'm the only child but I don't need to have a brother to know I would not be “loyal” to him if he raped someone.

For the chicks...Do you feel privileged to be called his “ride or die bitch”... Well here's some “Naked Truth” for that ass... Almost HALF of the females in jail are in there for drug trafficking and fraud. Most of those  people were the “loyal” bitch of a dude orchestrating the whole operation. Statistics show that most of the people who don't get off the hook, didn't pay the prosecutor a whole heap of money to make the case “go away”... So when its time to “pay for your freedom”, Lets see how “loyal” they are to you... And lets HOPE that you don't go to jail... because the dudes that females were with when she first went in, usually weren't there when she got out. Females are WAY more devoted to a man in jail than "vice versa." So priding yourself on being his "down ass chick" or "ride or die bitch"... Might get you nowhere in the end. A man is going to do whatever he has to do to get money whether you're involved or not. So my advice to you is to stay out of it as much as possible. Always make the conscious decision to do assume all responsibility if anything was to happen to you. If anyone puts you in the position to be vulnerable, you are the pawn, not the partner. Pawns are sacrificed to keep the King safe... I rather not go down as a martyr for someone else. But that's just me.

Another thing that people get twisted is the "loyalty of time".... People think they should be priority in your life based on the length of time you've known them. I prioritize the people in my life by QUALITY not time span... Someone could have been a better friend to me in two years than someone was for 20 years...  And my loyalty is going to lie with the person who its mutual with. I'm loyal to people who make a comparable effort to the one that I make whether its friend, family, or lover. I don't have the time to waste devoting my life to other people. I only have one.

Last but not least... let's explore this “Stop Snitching” slogan.... Hmmmm. Now I can slightly understand it if this solely encompassed being a “tattle tale” when the circumstance has nothing to do with you... BUT... people are applying this to every circumstance. So  

“loyalty” is about sacrificing your own freedom, family, goals, job, maybe even life to spare someone else's? I can't grasp this idea in my mind. So the “rule” is to be more loyal to others than YOURSELF? OH... Would they do it for you? Have they done it for you? Why SHOULD you? When is it "acceptable/understandable" to save yourself? Are there boundaries on "loyalty"?? If you have a pregnant wife, kids, you're the provider of your household, running businesses and your friend leaves a gun in your car...you get pulled over...car searched... and you're about to have to do three years of jail time and this person doesn't want to take the rap for their own gun.... What do you do?

Loyalty is about devotion to a cause... Choose your “causes” wisely. Loyalty is faithfulness to a commitment that you've made. Identify your commitments in your life right now. Have a clear focus on what is truly important to you in your life and stay loyal to that.

Does She "Deserve" A Ring?

@Al_Patron asked a very GOOD question in a blog that we did together and it had me thinking so hard about a response. Especially because I hear it ALL the time and have even SAID it myself.

He asked “...can someone tell me what “she DESERVES a ring” means?”

Now, I'm not going to tell you what it MEANS cuz dammit, I'm just figuring this out myself, but I'm going to provoke some thoughts for you...

Now maybe my point of view seems biased a lot of the time because I forget that there are people who read my work that aren't plagued with the bullshit men and relationships that I know of all too well. So some people read my words and think “o_O where the hell does she get this stuff from?” But then I get a whole bunch of Rts and say “Whew, they feel me.” lol

SO, in almost every circumstance that I've heard “she deserves a ring” it was from someone referring to the amount of “torture”, disappointment”, “drama”, and just a whole bunch of “bullshit” that a woman had endured in the relationship with her man. And sometimes it was even the man himself saying “she deserves a ring”... My first thoughts are “yea, she deserves a ring” but “from HIM?”... Hell NO. Why would you “DESERVE” a ring from someone who was a BASTARD? I mean really! O_o She “deserves” a ring because she tolerated him cheating numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she took care of their children full time while he slacked? She “deserves” a ring because she still stayed with him after he had another child with someone else? She “deserves” a ring because he gave her an STD a time or two or five? She “deserves” a ring because of all the abortions or miscarriages she had from him? She “deserves” a ring because they've been together for “no reason” for forever already? She “deserves” a ring because she held him down while he was in and out of jail? She “deserves” a ring because she risked her freedom for him numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she had to fight with so many other girls over him? She “deserves” a ring because she put her education and career to the side to support his? She “deserves” a ring because she forgave him all the times he hit her? She “deserves” a ring because she put up with all his baby mama drama? She “deserves” a ring because she wasted her “youth” dealing with his bullshit so now her “prime” is over and she feels like she has no choice but to stay with him now? So THIS is why she “DESERVES” a ring?

I could have SWORN that “deserve” means “to have earned right”...Oh yea it does, I just looked it up again cuz I was confused. So THIS is what you want the “rights” to? This is what you're in competition to “win”??? Oh! And the crazy part about this is, I hear this “she deserves a ring” ALLLLL the time from people who've been involved in these exact scenarios. I don't make this shit up. So if this is what you feel you DESERVE for the rest of your life, then shit, maybe your ass does. I don't think anyone “deserves” a ring for all of those reasons. Females always seem so bent on “winning” that they don't even realize what the actual “prize” is. Cuz I damn sure don't want to “win” a man like that. Have I had men like that? Yes. But I KNEW not to marry them. And men always seem to pull the “ring” as a wild card right when she's about to “leave.” Anything to shut her ass up and extent his ride or die bitch until next “Foreverary.” I've heard so many men say “She's put up with so much of my shit. This is who I need to be with”... Uhm yea... she's perfect for HIM but is he perfect for HER? Don't Worry, I'll Wait

But its really not these type of women that I feel deserve a ring at all... They deserve intervention and rehab. I'm going to tell you who I think really deserves the ring.

I think the females who invest in themselves in order to have something to offer a man who's worth marrying “deserve” a ring. Not the women waiting around for a husband as a come up. The females who could care less about a pre-nup because she's going to make sure they BOTH make money during their marriage “deserve” a ring. The females who make a statement by immediately removing herself from a disrespectful situation. She knows her worth and is not going to waste her time convincing herself that this is acceptable at all. The females who don't think and act like she is entitled to anyone else's benefits “deserves” a ring. The females who understand that NO one is obligated to her “deserves” a ring. Females who are appreciative and grateful “deserve” a ring. Females who acknowledge that if they can't help with a solution then they may be part of the problem “deserve” a ring. The females who moderately stand by their partner yet who never give up on themselves “deserve” a ring. The females who prepare for the fact that all of this could go “poof” in the blink of eye but they have back up plans just in case it ever happens, “deserve” a ring. Even the females who don't like to cook and don't want to cook but knows that eating out every night is just unreasonable, “deserve” a ring. The females who understand their role in a man's life and won't try to play every position “deserve” a ring. The females who CAN and will carry a man if he falls and won't hold it against him later or kick him while he's down “deserve” a ring. And last but not least, the female who is genuinely optimistic about love and marriage as a team with no ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or dependency as an underlying theme, “deserve” a ring.

Now of COURSE, there's more to being a “wife” than all of these things. But in my opinion these are some of the most “important” the qualities of a woman who “DESERVES” a ring, beyond being able to cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of kids, and have disgustingly pleasurable sex. These are characteristics of women who have worked on themselves mentally, emotionally and financially enough to be able to “deserve” someone worth spending the rest of her life with. I personally feel that you can't expect someone else to invest more in you than you are WILLING to invest in yourself. And half of the things that I mentions are FREE... Its about character and intention not only money.

So as for me... until I'm able to carry my family on my own if ever need be, I'm going to stay “single with a boyfriend” and kid less. 

If You Only Knew....

Ok I get it..... Just cuz you're fucking me raw doesn't mean you want me to have your child........ Ok I get it, I was partly responsible too........ Ok I get it, I shoulda suggested or inquired about a condom....... And yea I can admit...... I knew I didn't want you to use one anyway....... And yea I can admit .......... that this aint the best situation for either of us right now........ BUT YOU shouldn't had acted like you didn't mind me getting pregnant when you was cummin in me. We're BOTH to blame. But yea I can admit ......... that maybe I just like the thought of being tied to you forever because of how I feel NOW! Even though "FOREVER" and "NOW" are on two opposite ends of the spectrum....... BUT...... Just understand THIS......  I aint a robot.... Don't ship me off to the abortion clinic like I'm not human...  So what I don't want a child right now anyway, do you KNOW how bad it feels for someone who helped you make it tell you they don't want one? DON'T suggest me to get rid of it... I was gonna anyway... BUT DON'T encourage me....  And the only reason I'm gonna get rid of it is because I understand that I'd only be hurting myself by tryna prove a point to you. BUT don't you DARE suggest it... If you ONLY knew how it feels to be in my position...Waiting for this period that I KNOW is late but I'm in such denial that I'm blaming it on stress, the weather, the price of gas...... And I'm cramping so I'm telling myself that the shit is about to come but now I'm two weeks late and that shit is STILL MISSING...  So now I'm too cheap to buy the $20 pregnancy test but swear these THREE .99 cent ones are wrong cuz they say "positive".... And it can't be right cuz they're only .99 cents....  So now how the hell do I tell YOU? I'm just scared of your response... Cuz I've heard some horror stories.... Don't nobody wanna hear "you keeping it?" " Is it mine?" "Shit!" "Fuck" " I aint ready for a baby" " How you got pregnant?" " I thought you was on birth control"  "Don't tell nobody"...... Not that I want you to seem happy about it and lay the guilt trip on me... Mannnnn I don't know what I want you to say... I guess just say you'll be there for me and with me no matter the decision. That'll feel a lot better. But I guess you shouldn't even say that if you really don't mean it.... Mannn. I don't know what I want you to say.  And the crazy part about it is that pregnancy is so mental... The minute you KNOW for sure, all the symptoms are maximized... Nauseas, sharp pains, tender breasts, hunger, cravings, etc...  So now you're thinking I'm over exaggerating my "condition" but now that I know, its natural for me to feel like a "Mommy." And the crazy part about it is that you being too nice to me makes me wanna keep it.. And you being too mean to me makes me wanna keep it... Cuz you rubbing my belly makes me feel close to you... Or you telling me it aint yours makes me wanna prove it to you.  But regardless of what, I feel like WE have a BOND together. And even though I don't want to keep it, I don't wanna let go of this tie to you...  but you definitely don't feel the same way.... BUT my friends will never know that because ima tell them you're cool with me being pregnant cuz they're not about to make me look stupid for staying with you after you encouraged me to get an abortion.........

So now I'm in the abortion clinic.... Starving cuz I couldn't eat since last night... The girl sitting next to me on the right is crying her eyes out...... The man across the room got watery eyes....  The girl going in the bathroom got a full blown stomach.... And all of these people are reminding me of why I'm here and I'm second guessing everything now. I really DON'T want to be here... And whether YOU are there or not, YOU are not going inside... And even though I don't want this baby.... I hate that I feel like I'm letting YOU off easy... But in reality... You'll never really feel what I'm feeling so tryna prove a point to you, is only hurting myself... And I keep saying it because I have to keep reminding myself of it. Cuz the BITCH in me wants to keep it just to make you be just as stressed as me... But the WOMAN in me knows that a baby don't keep a man. And its sad because seeing that sonogram makes me wanna see what our child is gonna look like... But seeing the sonogram lets me know how real this is and its just not the best thing for me right now. Cuz if you decide to leave me or die... I don't wanna do this alone... So ima go through with this because I'm actually tryna protect my child from a certain life... And even though I can't protect them from everything... Ima protect them from parents that didn't want them...  And its hurts cuz this is permanent and no matter if I have 10 kids afterwards, I'm never gonna know what THIS one looks like or could have been... But ima just pray that I'm responsible enough to NEVER make this mistake again... And from here on out, I'm ONLY having sex with someone I can see myself having a child with... Cuz I aint coming back to the abortion clinic.... NEVER.... EVER....  

Side Chick Speaks

1) Stop telling me how innocent and faithful your wife/baby mama/ girlfriend is....... How the FUCK would you know when your ass running behind me? If your cheating, why can't she be? *don't worry, I'll wait* 

2) The more rules you give me, the more I'm gonna break them. So don't subject me to any. I know what I got myself into, I'll handle it accordingly as long as you are respecting me.

3) Don't fuck me raw and expect me to get an abortion cuz I knew you had someone already..... So did you... 

4) If you don't respect her, why should I? So if she calls my phone, yes I'm cursing her ass out. I may not blow up what we got going on but yes I am gonna ask "fuck you calling my phone for?" 

5) Why is it that I know you got someone but I'm supposed to stay faithful to you? *dying to hear this*

6) Don't introduce me to your kids at all if you gonna stop bringing them around the minute they go back and tell their mama about me.

7) STOP talking to me about her... Good or bad... I don't give a fuck... Well I don't WANNA give a fuck but the more info you give out, the more curiosity is gonna kill MY CAT! Now I wanna put a face to the story... 

8) Don't tell me you can't do something because of her... By you telling me she is the reason, its almost like your tryna remind me to be content with something that I'm not really comfy with at ALL... So don't throw it in my face that you can't go to dinner with me bc you promised her you'd be home at 8 tonight... Do not give me the opportunity to be jealous because bad thoughts go a LONG way. 

9) I signed up for the ONE person I knew you were with.... Where'd the fuck these other hoes come from?  That ain't in my agreement... Really?

10) As much as I don't wanna know what's going on between yall....  If she gets pregnant......uhm, yea....that's one thing I wanna know!!!! 

He Chose Me

SO I wonder how many times he gonna have to say "sorry" for me to realize that this man doing the shit on "purpose"....Sorry is supposed to mean "I really didn't mean for it to happen, it wasn't my intention, I didn't realize what the outcome would be until it was too late, and I'm gonna make a CONSCIOUS effort to make sure it doesn't happen again".... But if you keep saying sorry for the SAME shit then I gotta realize, you really just don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself. I mean really...

Over the years I've had to check myself on all the things I LET happen to me. I should be apologizing to myself at this point. Its not even anyone else's fault beside mine for allowing me to be taken for granted, used, disrespected, embarrassed or hurt. And I'm writing about myself but for a lot of you, you will wonder if you are me.  For years I thought it was a privilege to be the girl he chose to call after the club...If I was the girl he would call after the club, I'd be happy... And if I wasn't the girl he called after the club, I'd be MAD. Wondering who he called after the club. Wondering who he chose to give that drunk lusty dick to at 3:45 am...... So let's say I get the call... I answer. "No I'm not sleep" (I was though), "I was tryna go to sleep but can't seem to" (I was actually in REM probably) "No its not too late/early for you to come" (it really fucking is though) "How long you gonna be" (do I got enough time to shit, shower and shave) "ok bye" *jumps out of bed, makes sure the house is clean, shit, shower shave, brush teeth lotion, light candles and put on lingerie like that's really what I fucking wear to bed" (but it aint)....... So fast foward 4:20am he's here...  And I'm happy...But a lot of the times when they drunk, his dick either can't get up or can't cum... So either way its pretty annoying. But I'm just happy he chose ME...  But before I know it its 6am... And I gotta get up to go to work... But he here sleep in my bed and now I don't wanna go to work... Bc if I leave then I don't get to spend no time with him...  But then if I don't go to work, then when he wake up, he gonna leave anyway. And might even ask "what happened last night"....  And yea I'll be insulted BUT he still CHOSE me at 3:45 am after the club...So after a while, I just started putting my phone on silent in the night. And there were a bunch of times that I “MISSED” the call... and would be slightly mad at myself about it... But when I thought about it... What did I REALLY miss though? 

 As the person being used, you have to break the cycle. No one is going to stop taking advantage of something that keeps hitting every time. If you keep getting a free can of soda out of a certain vending machine, are you going to change vending machines or milk that one til they finally fixed that shit? Oh. So yea, I finally decided, “Nah aint nobody calling me after the club.” I don't care who it is... And it be this type of dude that you don't even think twice to call upon if there's ever an emergency. Cuz you already “know what it is” between yall... So if I can't call you at 3am in the event that I need your help and know you'd come to my rescue... then NOPE, you can't call me for no pussy at 3am either. If I even have any apprehension of asking you for ANYTHING, I'm not giving you no pussy... And call it what you like, but I'm not wasting my “natural resource” on you to be the one you “chose”... I'm not gonna be grateful you chose me because you have other options... Cuz fact of the matter is that I might be the one you chose because I was the easiest choice. SO I wasn't “chosen” because I was the “best”, I might've been chosen because I was the “most convenient”... And I've had to realize that the most convenient things, cost the most money. 

Vagina Plans

Whether you know it or not, YOU are on a “Vagina Plan” with someone... Here are 20 common plans that you may be on right now. If you don't like the “plan” that you are on, then you can upgrade, downgrade or cancel your contract.

“Data Only” Plan - Media Sex … Skype sex, nasty texts, naked pics, nude videos but no sex... You two are “sexters” - COST: The price of your own phone bill

“Evening and Weekend” Plan – After the club sex about 1 or 2 times a month – COST: Condom, Cab Fare or Ride to work in the morning.

“Sugar Daddy” Plan – Sex whenever she gets scared that you're going to cut her off for holding out. Must be 45+ yrs old. COST: Most of her bills, tuition, leisure activities.

“Hush” Plan – Man has a girlfriend, baby mama, or wife. You two have sex on a regular basis. COST: Whatever she asks for so she can STFU to his main woman.

“Broke Dick Vacation” Plan – Man doesn't have any money to share with you or support you but has EXCELLENT sex. COST: Free for 30 days, then get rid of him.

“Maintenance Man” Plan – The girl is in a relationship but calls “him” to get “fixed” (dick). COST: She is tricking on “him”

“Bastard” Plan- You are with a man who is a dog but you “LOVE” him. COST: Heartache, Tears, No friends, no family,

“Baby Daddy” Plan- Still fucking her baby daddy in hopes of becoming a family one day or again. COST: No child support/take care of her bills n child alone.

“Off Limits” Plan- Nobody is supposed to know yall are fucking and if you tell, they'll deny it. COST: An ASS whooping, JOB loss, gas to go to further places and/or hotel fees.

“Oral Plan” - Never have sex, just give head. COST: Herpes.

“Pay Pal” Plan- A FRIEND that you don't have sex with.  You are taking their kindness for weakness because they offer you money or to pay for stuff for you. (BECAUSE they LIKE you) COST: Burnt Bridge

“Sweet n Low Daddy” Plan – Not together at all. Don't have constant contact. Yall get together for date and/or sex. COST: Free entertainment for you and sometimes friends. And occasional financial help here or there.

“Passport Cutty” Plan – Flies you out to hang out and fuck. COST: Flight, hotel, all expense paid stay including entertainment, shopping, food and cash to go back home with.

“Full House” - He got kids, You got kids...Yall live together. You're happy to have a man/family. COST- Your Sanity

“3some” Plan- You get called to be the 3^rd party. COST: Prices may vary depending on your pussy

“Cinderella” Plan – He is your prince charming and you think you are HAPPY. COST: Waking up and it all being a dream! Lol

“No baggage” Plan- You and him were single with no kids and now you are in a healthy relationship together. COST: Brushing off the haters.

“Check” Plan- He pays you to fuck. COST: Depends on your rate.

“Throwback” Plan- Fucking your ex. COST: Being in Limbo.

“Illusionist” Plan- Things are going GREAT. You are in “LIKE, LUST and “LOVE” for anywhere between 1 week and 3 months and then POOF, he falls back or disappears. COST: Suicide