@Al_Patron asked a very GOOD question
in a blog that we did together and it had me thinking so hard about a response. Especially because I
hear it ALL the time and have even SAID it myself.
He asked “...can
someone tell me what “she DESERVES a ring” means?”
Now,
I'm not going to tell you what it MEANS cuz dammit, I'm just figuring
this out myself, but I'm going to provoke some thoughts for you...
Now
maybe my point of view seems biased a lot of the time because I
forget that there are people who read my work that aren't plagued
with the bullshit men and relationships that I know of all too well.
So some people read my words and think “o_O where the hell does she
get this stuff from?” But then I get a whole bunch of Rts and say
“Whew, they feel me.” lol
SO,
in almost every circumstance that I've heard “she deserves a ring”
it was from someone referring to the amount of “torture”,
disappointment”, “drama”, and just a whole bunch of “bullshit”
that a woman had endured in the relationship with her man. And
sometimes it was even the man himself saying “she deserves a
ring”... My first thoughts are “yea, she deserves a ring” but
“from HIM?”... Hell NO. Why would you “DESERVE” a ring from
someone who was a BASTARD? I mean really! O_o She “deserves” a
ring because she tolerated him cheating numerous times? She
“deserves” a ring because she took care of their children full
time while he slacked? She “deserves” a ring because she still
stayed with him after he had another child with someone else? She
“deserves” a ring because he gave her an STD a time or two or
five? She “deserves” a ring because of all the abortions or
miscarriages she had from him? She “deserves” a ring because
they've been together for “no reason” for forever already? She
“deserves” a ring because she held him down while he was in and
out of jail? She “deserves” a ring because she risked her freedom
for him numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she had to
fight with so many other girls over him? She “deserves” a ring
because she put her education and career to the side to support his?
She “deserves” a ring because she forgave him all the times he
hit her? She “deserves” a ring because she put up with all his
baby mama drama? She “deserves” a ring because she wasted her
“youth” dealing with his bullshit so now her “prime” is over
and she feels like she has no choice but to stay with him now? So
THIS is why she “DESERVES” a ring?
I
could have SWORN that “deserve” means “to have earned
right”...Oh yea it does, I just looked it up again cuz I was
confused. So THIS is what you want the “rights” to? This is what
you're in competition to “win”??? Oh! And the crazy part about
this is, I hear this “she deserves a ring” ALLLLL the time from
people who've been involved in these exact scenarios. I don't make
this shit up. So if this is what you feel you DESERVE for the rest of
your life, then shit, maybe your ass does. I don't think anyone
“deserves” a ring for all of those reasons. Females always seem
so bent on “winning” that they don't even realize what the actual
“prize” is. Cuz I damn sure don't want to “win” a man like
that. Have I had men like that? Yes. But I KNEW not to marry them.
And men always seem to pull the “ring” as a wild card right when
she's about to “leave.” Anything to shut her ass up and extent
his ride or die bitch until next “Foreverary.” I've heard so many
men say “She's put up with so much of my shit. This is who I need
to be with”... Uhm yea... she's perfect for HIM but is he perfect
for HER? Don't
Worry, I'll Wait
But
its really not these type of women that I feel deserve a ring at
all... They deserve intervention and rehab. I'm going to tell you who
I think really deserves the ring.
I
think the females who invest in themselves in order to have something
to offer a man who's worth marrying “deserve” a ring. Not the
women waiting around for a husband as a come up. The females who
could care less about a pre-nup because she's going to make sure they
BOTH make money during their marriage “deserve” a ring. The
females who make a statement by immediately removing herself from a
disrespectful situation. She knows her worth and is not going to
waste her time convincing herself that this is acceptable at all. The
females who don't think and act like she is entitled to anyone else's
benefits “deserves” a ring. The females who understand that NO
one is obligated to her “deserves” a ring. Females who are
appreciative and grateful “deserve” a ring. Females who
acknowledge that if they can't help with a solution then they may be
part of the problem “deserve” a ring. The females who moderately
stand by their partner yet who never give up on themselves “deserve”
a ring. The females who prepare for the fact that all of this could
go “poof” in the blink of eye but they have back up plans just in
case it ever happens, “deserve” a ring. Even the females who
don't like to cook and don't want to cook but knows that eating out
every night is just unreasonable, “deserve” a ring. The females
who understand their role in a man's life and won't try to play every
position “deserve” a ring. The females who CAN and will carry a
man if he falls and won't hold it against him later or kick him while
he's down “deserve” a ring. And last but not least, the female
who is genuinely optimistic about love and marriage as a team with no
ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or dependency as an underlying
theme, “deserve” a ring.
Now
of COURSE, there's more to being a “wife” than all of these
things. But in my opinion these are some of the most “important”
the qualities of a woman who “DESERVES” a ring, beyond being able
to cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of kids, and have
disgustingly pleasurable sex. These are characteristics of women who
have worked on themselves mentally, emotionally and financially
enough to be able to “deserve” someone worth spending the rest of
her life with. I personally feel that you can't expect someone else
to invest more in you than you are WILLING to invest in yourself. And
half of the things that I mentions are FREE... Its about character
and intention not only money.
So
as for me... until I'm able to carry my family on my own if ever need
be, I'm going to stay “single with a boyfriend” and kid less.
