Center Stage

It has been many years of excuses.

We’ve called several truces.

We’ve gotten so ruthless.

I’m tired now.

I’m ready to play nice.

No more fights.

No more bright lights.

Tired of putting on a show.

I’m ready to go.

But I guess you’re saying no.

You still want to act.

The show must go on.

You’re accustomed to the fame.

No longer can you be tamed.

I fucked up by playing these games with you at all.

Now you dodge my calls.

Lie and disappear,

You take advantage of my fear.

You know how I feel.

My infatuation is real.

I’m trying to get you to settle down,

But you wont acknowledge my crown.

I’m a queen but all you see is an opponent.

You live in the moment.

The camera is still on.

I’ve been around for too long.

I tell you I’m gone.

You call my bluff every time.

You just call the next person in line.

I can’t stomach that,

So I come running back.

You got me right where you want me.

Whenever you want me.

And only then.

Not sooner.

Not later.

Never on my time.

Only on yours.

Using different lures,

To make me think that you’re ready this time.

We fuck and then I’m at the back of the line.

So many people back ahead of me.

I’m just one fish in your sea.

But fame is your weakness.

Control is your vice.

Being ignored stabs you like a knife.

I remembered we’re playing your game.

And men hate to fail.

I’m finding a new trail.

I’m closing this tale.

There’s other males. 

Rehab

There's so many cliche concepts that we always use like "Love," "Sorry," "Happy" and 'Self respect/esteem," but only a small percentage in the world really understand how dynamic these ideas truly are. 

I hate using the phrase "self esteem" because it's so empty nowadays. As you evolve into an adult (if you ever do) you will start to understand how hard it is to rid yourself of the things that subtract from your self respect. People are ALWAYS presenting us with propositions to benefit themselves and tarnish us. We don't always see it for what it is initially. 

Being an adult is NOT about age. "Adult" includes maturity. Maturity includes responsibly. Responsibility includes leadership. Leadership includes control...and CONTROL is tricky. Control is tricky because "we" usually try to control OTHERS instead of ourselves. That is because  "WE" want to please ourselves primarily and ultimately. The unconscious strategy is to try to change what other people are doing instead of ourselves. We want people to do what we want. We want them to stop dealing with that "other" person and only be with us. We want them to respect us. We want them to be happy with us. We want them to see our value... Hmmmmmm... But why don't we see it? 

If they are dealing with someone else then instead of trying to control them from doing it, why can't we control ourselves from dealing with them? The only way to force someone to respect you is to not allow their disrespect. You HAVE to remove yourself from the equation. There's no other winning strategy. How can we expect someone else to see our value when we have discounted ourselves? 

It's like selling a Bentley at the price of a Honda. Would you really believe it's a Bentley? First thing you would ask is "So what's wrong with it? Why are you selling it so cheap?"  Now imagine if the person said to you "Because it has no engine! Actually there's nothing under the hood! You're just paying for the body."... Our self esteem is our engine. It's what makes us "Go!" and "Do!" and "Be!" We NEED that engine to fulfill the value, our value. 

The earth is flooded with unconventional situations these days. I will admit, I've participated in dealing with men I knew had wives, baby mamas, and girlfriends. There was a point where I "didn't care." For the most part, I didn't care because I soothed myself by tallying up all the things I benefitted from being with them. I don't even regret those situations to be honest. But I don't encourage it either. Those situations have been evidence of things that "DO NOT WORK" in the long run. And you can't do it with anyone that you really care for. But most girls aren't out here with the thought process of "transaction" with men. Girls want a partner. Girls want intimacy, quality time, monogamy and just attention period. And a lot of "us" meaning girls, are NOT getting it. We're NOT getting it and STILL settling. But why? 

These days we call it "sharing," before that was "cheating," and before that was "two timing" as my grandma would say. All I know is, women sell themselves short, discount their value/worth and to simplify it, can be "weak as fuck." 

There's no such thing as "I don't care about him being with another woman." That's a lie. Of course you care, you just follow it up with defense mechanisms, excuses or denial. If you care anything about him, you care about him spending time with someone else. That's a given. 

A LOT of people are in a scenario that a man has someone and he says he is leaving for you. Most girls say they aren't okay with sharing a man until they are faced with the decision to stay with who they like and wait it out or be strong enough to withdraw from the situation until he keeps his word.   

To solve the problem of all this sharing shit, the thought process has to be altered. And it has to hit home and make sense for people. Some women will understand why they shouldn't share men when they get an STD or become sterile. And even then, some women have convinced themselves that because they've been plagued with an STD the only  option they have is to stay with the person who gave it to them. Sad. 

Some women will never stop fighting for a man. You can't even blame him anymore after a certain point. Something is wrong with her self esteem. People replace the idea of low self esteem, dress it up and call it "love." Man listen. The thought process behind sharing has a long list of different ideas women convince themselves of. There's no point in giving a man time to leave his situation. If you want to know how he really feels, fall back and wait. Why would he speed up the process of leaving the chick he with if he still gets to fuck both of y'all while you're "waiting?" (Excuse my French) 

But "sharing" is not only for side chicks and new prospects. It's not one sided. Wives, girlfriends, and "baby mamas" are sharing. Your title means absolutely nothing because disrespect is disrespect no matter what you want to call yourself. If you know he cheated, you shared. People love pointing fingers as if their position holds any more weight even though both are eating from the same plate. 

Take away the title and refer to yourself as a woman. A vulnerable woman. A vulnerable woman that's susceptible to stress, suicide, violence, STDs and mental health sickness. These things are real. They happen to people who find themselves in a situation that they've lost CONTROL of and these are some of the effects of the failure. 

Now I know 50% of women who read this are "sharing" to some degree. And I'm being lenient with that percentage. I don't expect for you to wake up tomorrow and cut anyone off because it doesn't work like that. But just analyze the situation. The worst thing you can do is lie to YOURSELF. You know the truth. That truth is what you hide from your friends, family and the world. Don't use "Private" as a euphemism for "ASHAMED!" We know the truth. That truth is what makes you cry or scream periodically. That truth is the embarrassment that you try to save yourself all the time. You know. It's okay. All I can advise you is that it takes true courage and bravery to protect yourself. But if you won't, then you shouldn't expect anyone else to. It will be hurtful, it may be lonely, it could be dramatic but it shall be the first step towards rehab. 

Cutty's Travel Tips.

So as you all know, I'm obsessed with planes. I LOVE to travel. Booking and researching travel is actually very fun for me. So here's some tips for you based on my experience with making reservations. Now keep in mind, I do not work for a hotel or airline so this info is not from TSA and shit. It's just what I know from traveling so much and always looking for good deals for good quality.

Cheap days to book...

Flight prices change by the minute. There's talk about there being cheap days and expensive days to book, and although I have noticed trends, its still not concrete. It really depends. Now in MY experience, Tuesday thru Thursday are the cheapest days. Flight prices normally start to drop on Tuesday. By Wednesday they are usually the cheapest. But thursday is tricky. It can stay the same as Wed, go down, or go back up. Really depends, but tues/wed are "safe" days. I do notice that Friday thru Monday is usually expensive. And Jet Blue usually has some sort of sale every Tuesday.

Booking flights

I almost NEVER book a round trip ticket together. Here's why. People seem to think that a round trip ticket is "cheaper" if you book the flights going and coming in the same transaction. That's not true. Its the same exact price as 2 one ways separate. But here's why I book separately. I do my research on flight prices one way so I can see how or why the round trip is the price it is.

For example. A round trip could be $500. But the one way going could be $110 and the return could be $390. I want to see the price of each so I can compare airlines. The main reason I do NOT book roundtrip is because they usually give you both flights on the same airline. The 3rd party sites rarely mix and match for the lowest price. So I rather just do it myself. Basically going, could be $150 on Delta and coming back could be $300 on Delta. But coming back on Continental or US Airways could be $170 coming back. This is the reason why I rather search tickets "one way".

As much as I travel, I basically know what's a "good price" and what's not. So for example, a "good price" flight from NYC to ATL is $110 one way. That's when I'm jumping up and down and typing in my info at lightning speed. But on a "bad price" day, it could be $430 one way. That's when I sit my ass home and wait for it to drop. For $430 I could been to and from Cabo, Mexico. Also, I do NOT usually use 3rd party sites to book flights. Booking directly from the airline is cheaper and "safer"... People who book directly with the airline have priority just in case of any "emergencies"... Example: when the swine flu hit Mexico. But there ARE times that 3rd party sites have their own sale prices on flights. Such as cheap ickets.com or orbitz.com ... ALWAYS be SURE to open the confirmation email that you receive from company after booking. The email COULD be saying that your flight was NOT successfully booked. This has happened to me before and the ticket was not booked when I arrived at the airport.

I use Kayak.com to compare the different airlines tho.

Every flight does not have the same amenities. You can choose which aircraft you want to be on, on the website for most airlines. For example, you can see which flight has wifi, personal tvs, and outlets when you're booking your flight via the delta website. I personally don't care about tvs but I need wifi. And the outlets are so helpful.

Flight Trick

Do NOT do this all the time. They could potentially catch on to your pattern. A connecting flight is USUALLY cheaper than a non stop. So with that said, if I REALLY need to get on a flight that I feel is too expensive one way, non stop, then I look for a connecting flight to somewhere else, stopping in the city that I want. Example: Sometimes when I'm going to ATL the one way is over $200. And that's a little pricey. So I'll search for tickets to other cities connecting in ATL, such as orlando. A connecting to Orlando from NYC could be $120. The flight will be going from NYC to ATL then to ORL but i just get off in ATL. So I still get a nonstop flight to Atlanta and for $120. Make sure you check to see where which state the flight connects in. Don't just choose ANY flight. It needs to connect in the city you are trying to get to.

There's a few things you need to know about doing this... This is ONLY for Carry on luggage. You CAN NOT do this if you checked a bag. Your checked bag will go to your final destination on the ticket. You can NOT be late for the plane. If you are one of the last people on the plane then there may not be any overhead space for your bag. If that happens, they take your bag and check it, which means it will be going to the FINAL destination. Lastly, you can NOT get on the 2nd leg of the flight. So for example. You can not book a ticket from NYC to MIA, connecting in ATL and get on in atlanta. Once you miss the first leg of your flight, the second one automatically gets canceled.

Miles and Points

Miles and points SURE do come in handy. So it does pay to use the same airline as often as possible. I personally like to try different ones Sometimes to see if I like it but I mainly use delta. Now although delta DOES have their annoying things about them, they go most places so the points accumulate. But with Delta you can't use your points until you have accumulated 25,000 UNLESS you have a delta credit card. So yo have to wait. So if you don't travel that often AirTran might be a better choice for you because they're point system is better. You can book a flight with as little as 6 credits. Their points do expire tho, as well as Jet Blue's points. Everyone hates American Airlines these days but their point system is ok. Just try to stick to A few airlines so that you can get the extra perks.

How should I book hotels?

Hotels are tricky also, just like flights. For example. If a plane has 40 seats, 5 seats are for expedia, 5 are for travelocity, 5 are for whatever.com ... Same with hotels. So if a hotel has 100 rooms. 10 are for expedia, 10 are for orbitz, etc... So the 10 or so that each 3rd party has, can kinda make the room whatever price they want. That's why it could be $179 a night on Travelocity and $489 on Expedia. The 3rd party website could have their own sale going on for that hotel. So you seriously have to compare a lot of sites when it comes to hotels for the lowest price.

Here's the tricky things about hotels. Booking straight from the hotel website is usually cheaper but that's because they don't charge you the rest of the fees til you check out. When you book the hotel on their website, you're not being charged. Its just a hold on your card. They don't charge you til you leave. So sometimes you may have THOUGHT you paid for the hotel and go and spend that money and get surprised when they hit you with the bill at checkout.

Now on the other hand, when you book your hotels through third party websites, all the taxes and hotel fees are included in the price and your room is booked and paid for up front. Nowadays guests are being hit with $60 a night resort fees that are in FINE PRINT somewhere on the website. When guests check out, they had NO clue about these fees. Make sure you find out what the extra fees are when you book through the hotel's website.

Me personally, I HATE all inclusive resorts. I HATE the "orange juice eggs". Lol. I really don't like the food. They barely want you to leave the resort to experience the native life. I want native food and local fun. Let's be real, most resorts are old married couples.

Always make sure you check the guest reviews. Of course everyone's experience and taste is different but if 5 people say that the carpet stinks... Guess what, the carpet stinks. The guest reviews will tell you how far or close everything is from the hotel usually. They'll either love it or be complaining about it.

Lastly, don't forget about the "incidental hold"... On most hotels they put a hold on your credit card for any damages or charges to the room. This charge can range from $25 to $200 a NIGHT. The W hotel can be $200 a night. They release the hotel when you check out. It takes 3 days for the money to be available on your card again.

And yes, booking flight and hotel together is Usually cheaper. Still make sure you do your homework on the flights though so you know how much you're REALLY paying for the flight.

I probably left some things out...so if I did, just email me with any other questions that you have and I will add it to the blog. Ciao.

Passport Cutty's Hair Tips

SOOOOO As everyone knows, Passport Cutty is food for the Soul. So this week I am going to fill you in on hair information that the average person may not already know. I am an advocate for HEALTHY hair and I want to share my knowledge with as many people as I can so that you can raise your stock up another notch by always having beautiful hair.

1. There's this MYTH that has been floating around the urban universe that says “Your hair grows when its dirty” … That is TRUE but FALSE at the same time... It grows in a bad way... Like Weeds. It may SEEM like it grew a substantial amount but chances are you're holding on to dead ends.... As long as the follicles aren't dead, its going to grow but not washing it for weeks or months is NOT good... You're clogging your pores and letting dirt, oil, product, and/or sweat build up on your hair shaft. Clean hair is healthy hair. Some people have naturally oily hair and they don't like how it looks “weighed down” or “limp” so they wash their hair almost everyday. I don't recommend everyday but on average, about once a week is good. The MAX should be every two weeks, not two MONTHS.

2. Speaking, of “dead ends,” your hair is like a plant. Literally. So now let's think of a green plant. When you see part of a leaf turning brown, if you do not cut that piece off of the leaf then eventually the entire leaf will become brown. The brown (dead) area will start working its way down the stem until the entire thing is dead and falls off. Its the SAME exact thing with your hair. You HAVE to cut off the dead ends or else it will work its way up your entire hair shaft. Notice when you cut the brown piece of the plant off and water it, in a couple days the leaf has rejuvenated. STOP holding on to dead ends for length. You're NOT fooling ANYONE but yourself. Everyone else knows and is making fun of you. 

3. PH scale. This is the most important aspect to hair that most people do NOT know. Almost everything that concerns hair relates to the PH scale. It ranges from 0-14 with 7 being neutral. From 0-6.9 is acidic. 7.1-14 being alkaline. “Acidic” has moisture. “Alkaline” is dry. Our natural hair is 4.5-5.5. So anything we put in our hair should be related to this scale to see how harsh or good it is for you. Water is 7... so even water dries our hair out. Thats why I didn't recommend wetting it everyday. The higher the numbers go up in the scale, the drier our hair is becoming. Water, shampoo, conditioner, color, relaxer, perms, all relate to this scale. Make sure you keep it in mind. I will break down where each of these fall on the scale.

4. Hair color is definitely a major theme in the hair industry. There's so much you need to know about it before experimenting. Color on the PH scale is definitely above 10... Whether it's black or blonde, it is drying out your hair. You MUST maintain a regime for moisture after coloring your hair. You can not just color it and leave it untouched for weeks at a time. It will make your hair hard, dry and weak enough to break off. A lot of people dye their hair black when they see that it's damaged. That is NOT a good idea because you are putting a chemical on already damaged hair. It's not strong enough to take a chemical. There are about 4 different types of color, and there's bleach. Temporary color which washes out after about 1 or 2 washes. Semi permanent which is basically like a rinse, lasts 4-6 weeks. Demi permanent which lasts 6-8 weeks. (Semi nor Demi can be used to make your hair “lighter”)...And permanent color which is permanent but definitely DOES fade. Permanent color is of course the most harsh, tying with bleach. Please do not use box dye. It really isn't good for your hair. It has a lot of metal in it which of course makes your hair dry and brittle after a while. If you do color your hair at home which I personally do not recommend because chances are you don't really know what you're doing, use the tubes of color that you have to mix. Yes they usually come in a box but thats not “box dye”... The box color I'm speaking of is the entire process in a box that has the picture of someone on it usually. 

5. On to Relaxer... “The Creamy Crack” that Cutty is addicted to. Everyone does NOT need a relaxer. With the proper amount of TIME and effort by you or you stylist, you can get your hair bone straight with a blow dryer and flat iron. But since I have short hair, I NEED a relaxer because I like my hair LAID down smooth, straight and silky. My FIRST and MAIN point about relaxer is to get it done professionally. TRUST ME, you DO NOT know what you are doing. Just because you got it straight does not mean it was done right. A relaxer needs to be worked in. You can't possible do it correctly alone. Relaxer should not just be thrown on your head with your hands and should not touch your scalp immediately. Relaxer shouldn't even get on your scalp until its almost time to be washed out when your just smoothing the hair. Thats why a lot of girls hair is so damn LIMP... They are damn near burning their hair without even knowing it. And just like color, box relaxer is TERRIBLE for your hair. I recommend buying one in the lil tub. You can use Mizani, Design Essentials, Affirm, Optimum Multi Mineral, NOT Olive Oil, Motions, Botanicals, etc... This is only if you are going to do it at home. Buy the entire step process. The base, the relaxer, ,the neutralizing shampoo, the conditioner. Etc Yes separately, it is more expensive but the health of your hair is worth it... YOU HAVE TO USE NEUTRALIZING shampoo after a relaxer. If you run out, you can use vinegar but DO not use that all of the time. You MUST wash the relaxer out THOROUGHLY. There are some neutralizing shampoos than turn colors to let you know that there is still product in the hair. If you do not wash it put well enough then the relaxer is still going to be working until your hair falls off from being over processed. 

6. Shampoo and Conditioner relates to the PH scale as well. You want to buy the ones that are around the same PH as your hair... They are of course more expensive. Most likely many of you are using “consumer products” which are basically the brands that target people who know nothing about hair, LIKE, Pantene, V05, Head and Shoulders, Motions, crème of Nature, Dove, etc. You should be using a better brand. There are TONS of shampoos and conditioners for different types of hair. You CAN and SHOULD use more than one especially if you have different needs. If you have color, use a color shampoo. There's also moisture and hydrate shampoos. DO NOT USE neutralizing shampoo if you did not get a chemical. You should be alternating the products that you use so that your hair doesn't become immune. Now as far as conditioners are concerned, READ THE INSTRUCTIONS.... Do not leave conditioner in your hair that is not a “leave in”...Only use a protein conditioner once a month. When purchasing shampoo and conditioner, you should be able to find the PH of the product on the back of it. If it is not there then chances are, its HIGH, meaning its not good for your hair.

7. Heated Styling Tools- Flat Irons, Curling irons and Blow Dryers. ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK is okay... If you use these DAILY, it will damage your hair. Especially if you use it over product..

8. Weave, Wigs, Extension- NOTHING is wrong with extensions... With proper care and maintenance for it, its not “bad” for you... The main things you need to remember are to remove the extensions, PROPERLY... Do not rip, them out. Do NOT let someone braid your hair TOO tight underneath... If it hurts, tell them. You shouldn't need pain killers after a sew-in like I see so many people take. DRY your braids throughly when washing a weave. The hair will unravel faster and SMELL if not. Protect your hairline. Do not keep ironing, gelling, relaxing it. Do not put glue or adhesive on your temples. This area takes the longest to grow back. 

9. Professional Products- More expensive does kind of mean “better” in the hair industry. Not always but usually. In New York, you can get professional products from “Ricky's” beauty supply store all over the city... More local beauty supply stores are starting to sell professional products now and they are usually in a case or behind the register. Most of the products in the aisles of local neighborhood beauty supply stores are “consumer products”. They are targeted for people who know nothing about hair. They say whatever you want to hear on the box or bottle to make you think it fits your needs. 

10. Trim your hair every 6 weeks. No if, ands, or buts....

11. Find a good stylist. Make sure she or he is concerned with hair CARE not just styling. Bring the products you like with you if they do not provide or use them. Tell them why you like the product. If a stylist uses bad hair products, I wouldn't recommend going to them.

Betrayal

I don't know why I would always ask him "Do you love me," because even if and when he replied "yes," it was still a lie.... Unbeknownst to him though. "Yes" would never be the truth because he didn't even know me. Everything he thought he knew, and liked, and loved about me was a facade. I loved him so much I made myself be who I had to be for him to like me, claim me, flaunt me, spoil me, love me, and come home to me at night. He wasn't even a perfect man but it was his way or no way. Although I was happy, I hated myself everyday for betraying myself. I sold my soul to stay in his good graces. And never did I need this man but I felt like I deserved him. But waking up everyday being someone else becomes tiring. It hurt me that only my disguise could make him as happy as it did. When he smiled at me, had sex with me, called me, it was all with a stranger. I hinted and warned him so many times that I was not who he thought I was, but that I just loved him enough to compromise. But in reality, I went far beyond compromise.... I stole someone else's identity. To him I was submissive. passive, naive, sheltered, trustworthy, patient, calm, emotional, and generous. But that was not even ME. I was a BEAST with a costume on. There were so many times my cover could have been blown but I liked my life as a character. But every time I looked in the mirror, I would be staring at the villain I truly was. I missed being me. Although not perfect, it was MUCH easier. I was tired of remembering my lies. I was tired of holding my tongue. I was tired of faking orgasms. I was tired of being the best actress with no Oscars to show for it. It killed me to say goodbye. And even until this very day, he doesn't know who I am but my life as an "alien" made me love and appreciate myself to an infinite power. I truly loved him for him though because I had to conform to his flaws. But his love for me was not real. He loved who I created for him. I miss us. I miss being in limbo. I did inception on him. I regret misleading him and I regret betraying myself. But I am now relieved that I have burned that mask and everyday when I wake up I can finally be who I was born. 

The "Perfect" Side Chick

So once again, I'm sure I'll get bashed for "condoning" "encouraging" and "birthing" Side Chicks. Because Cutty gets blamed for all the evils of the world. But I mean, it's what's going on already... I'm just trying to organize the chaos... But anywho.... If you are a side chick, have a side chick, or intend to be a side chick...Or think you'll NEVER be a side chick,  then you need to hear this...

#1 Know WHAT you're in it for!  Always remind yourself of your position, and play it. I have a huge problem with females who don't know what or why they have "settled" for this position. Never be the side chick for the MAN... Because EVENTUALLY you are going to want him to yourself. If you "love" him "that" much, then why wouldn't you want him to yourself eventually? The problem with you wanting the man is that if you finally get to a point where you know you can't have him then you're going to make sure everyone else is unhappy too. Don't debate! Don't degrade yourself for no benefit. What are you getting out of this? What does he do for you? Are the lonely nights, holidays, being called a hoe by everyone else and having to STFU worth what you get out of the situation? Is he supportive? Does he respect you? Does he "love" you? Is your rent paid? Do yall go on trips and dates? Does he pay your tuition or helping with your loans? Is he funding your new business endeavor? Or is that all for an orgasm? Or no orgasm at all, just a dick?

#2 Shut him down if he ever brings her up. If he brings up her up in conversation, tell him the FIRST time "I don't want to hear anything about her, because #1, all that's going to do is make you think its ok to always do it. #2 Its annoying. And #3 I'm a girl, I'm jealous by nature. Don't give me rules, I know the rules. I follow Passport Cutty”

#3 Don't Care about "HER"... Don't ask about "her." Don't stalk "her." Don't spy on "her." Don't BOTHER "her." Don't talk shit about "her." If you're "so happy" then why are you worried about the next bitch? Apparently you're not really "happy"... And if you aren't, then why the hell have you "settled" to be in this position? Curiosity KILLED the cat. Once you open that door to be inquisitive concerning "her" you've started an internal silent competition between you two. She may not even know she has anyone she is competing with but now you're so bent on trying to be "better" or more "desirable" than her that now you've started going the extra mile for the same "position"...   

#4 NO DRAMA. Don't call her. Don't call their house. Don't post pics of you two. Don't tweet him. Don't hack his pages. Don't pop up where they're going to be. Don't call him if you know he's going home unless its an emergency. If he knows you never call while he's home and he sees you call, he'll be more inclined to answer it or return you're call fast because its out of the ordinary. Don't be the boy who cried wolf. You'll only be fucking your own self over in the end. If you create drama you'll wind up being more hurt and embarrassed when he kicks your ass to the curb. The silent side chicks get more and gets treated better. Well, if you demand it or else you'll just be the “convenient” side chick that just gets fucked.

#5 Don't get pregnant. If you're the side chick and you get pregnant its your fault. You look like you're trying to trap him. Yea yea yea, he knew what he was doing but protect yourself because as the girl, you're always going to get the shorter end of the stick. And even for all the money in the world, its not going to make you feel better if he still doesn't be with you. And now you have to explain to your child why daddy doesn't live with yall. Just don't do it.

#6 Don't tell your friends. I rather you talk to me than tell your friends. Unless you have GREAT friends like I do but most people hate their friends, they just can't get rid of them. Lol. But usually friends are going to make you feel stupid about what you're doing. They're going to tell other people what you're doing. They're going use it against you later. They're going to compare your relationship to theirs and then you're going to resent them. Not saying all friends do this but this is what "People" do and friends are "people" lol

#7 Don't Promote yourself. Don't think you're anything more just because you've met his friends and family. They all smile in your face just like they do his girl. So fuck his family and his friends. And remember that you're STILL, the side chick.

#8 Don't be the pot who called the kettle black. Don't tell people "she" is stupid because she knows about you... Because you're stupid too for knowing about "her"...

#9 NEVER be a side chick to a bum or a broke dude. Bums and broke men shouldn't even have the time to be fucking more than one bitch. They need to spend that extra time on getting their damn life together. If you're the side chick to a bum or a broke man, then YOU'RE a BUM too.


#10 Don't believe Shit he says. Chances are, if he's a cheater then he's a liar. Don't believe his side of the story because there's two more but you shouldn't CARE because that's not your business! RIGHT? You're in this for how he treats YOU and what he does with YOU and FOR YOU. So do not worry about the other things that does not concern you because he is going to LIE about it 7 times out of 10. 


#11 Protect your health. Do not assume that he is being monogamous to the two of you. You want him to be a "faithful cheater?" Oh. If you feel like his girlfriend and he is cheating on his REAL girlfriend, please assume that you are not the exception.  

#12 NO BLACKMAIL Do not save receipts, texts, videos, pics, clothes, screen shots etc for blackmailing purposes. This is a NO NO! Don't be the scorned side chick... If you would have followed the first 11 rules then you wouldn't be so devastated when its all over. You shouldn't have settled for this position if you couldn't handle it. Blackmailing won't erase your pain, won't change things and most likely won't make her leave him. But now you've burned your bridge with him fully and forfeited the chance of you ever being able to contact him in the future for a favor or help.

#13 Don't forget rule NUMBER ONE!!!

Follow these rules and you won't have to cry yourself asleep to Adele. When it's all said and done, you can walk away and say “that was great while it lasted”.... Now on the the next... 


*PS* "Faithful Side Chicks" usually get more hurt in the end.  

Mission Impossible

Giving head, is just not my thing. Nothing about it turns me on... Do I pretend it does to him? Yea *yawns*... But the whole time I'm doing it, I'm just hoping he's done before I'm done. *yawns* Cuz he is going to be mighty mad once my "dick sucking" timer is up.

Til this day, I don't know if I'm good or bad at it... Because I usually get stopped in under 5 minutes which is FINE by me... Either they cum, or they say "I want that pussy now"... Cool... But let's go from start to finish of WHY this is just not for me.

First of all, these men are very creatively RUDE with how they ask/hint for it these days. Which is annoying in itself. I think these rappers got these dudes very confident that my lips are SUPPOSED to be wrapped around their dick. And they love using some sort of "line" to get their point across... "What dat mouth do?" "You sucking or not" "Your mouth ain't bleeding" "Those lips tho!" "I wanna see if you give good brain like you graduated from a good school" And don't let y'all be in the car together, they're placing your hand on their lap so you can feel their dick hard...smh... I can't...

The position is a complicated enough decision for me... Should he be standing, sitting or laying? Should I be in between his legs, on the side of his legs, hanging from the ceiling? Should I be naked or clothed? Shoes or no shoes? UGH, I'm annoyed already.

Being clothed is wack cuz then when you wanna stop, you still gotta take your clothes off after. Then what if he stops you while you're doing that and says he don't wanna fuck? Then you're gonna feel stupid as shit. At least naked you can just hop on the dick so fast, he won't know what hit him. But then naked you still have to be artistic with your body positions... arch your back, prop up your ass, suck your stomach in *UGGGHHH*... But sucking in your stomach got you holding your breath. But how are you supposed to hold your breathe while sucking dick? You got other shit to worry about in your mouth.

Now, where are my eyes supposed to be? Looking at him? These dumb ass pubes? Closed? But looking at him is fucking with me cuz I can't read his reaction with his eyes closed! Is he picturing a prettier, sexier, longer haired bitch? Or is he trying to be considerate of me feeling uneasy?
If he isn't shaved, I'm pissed... like "this nigga aint get the damn memo YET? He don't got bbm, twitter, iMessage, or television?" Wtf. But If he is shaved, I'm thinking "another bitch told him to, I know it"... Even though ain't NOTHING worse than having to stop and find that ONE straggly hair on your tongue that's annoying the fuck outta you while you're trying to get this dick to cum. GRRRRRR

So now my mouth is on it...its only been 29 seconds and my knees are hurting... I'm holding it with one hand for now and I wanna make it wetter but I HATE saliva. Especially the smell on my hands. Spitting on the dick is stupid to me. And I need to save all the saliva I can produce to talk for two hours on my radio show every Tuesday....... I'm just saying... So I'm jerking and sucking, consciously tryna keep my teeth covered because I scraped a few niggas before. Yikes. My mouth is very shallow so I'm only on about 3/8 of the dick... My hand is consuming the other 5/8 of it and my lips are meeting my hand on each jerk... BUT NOW he got his hand on my head tryna push more dick in my mouth.... Wait.... Do you see my skin color? Its Brown... You don't touch a black bitch's hair... Now he pissed me off... So I move his hand cuz I'm not walking outside looking crazy. I don't care if you paid for it or will pay for it to get done again... Anywho. So now I go down to the balls. Depending on the dude they're either BIG and tight or saggy and small. I like the saggy ones cuz they're easier to maneuver in your mouth. But they kinda run from you when you're tryna get them in it at first. But whatever. One ball in my mouth at a time and lightly suck on it, all while still jerking the dick... He actually just got even harder and Just said "hmmm damn baby, oh shit". Ok so he likes this. Aight cool, so he gonna cum soon... We might only be at 3.5 minutes right now but in "dick sucking" minutes it feels like 15. So I go back up to the dick, I'm sucking the shaft sideways on the back where that brollic "tube" like thingy is inside his dick. He moaned again... Oh he likes that too. *mental note"... So now he is into it... Dick is back in my mouth, and he is semi grinding... Looks a lil gay but I'll let him slide right now cuz its just us. But now he's talking ..."You love this dick?" *shakes head yes and moans mmm hmm* "You miss this dick?" *shakes head again and moans mmm hmm*... But now that vibration from the *mmm hmm* got him hype and he likes that so now he asking me more dumb ass questions....*eye roll*........Now he advanced on to wanting me to talk dirty to him... "Tell daddy you love this dick"... "You want me to cum? Tell daddy you want me cum" "you want that cum in your mouth? You gonna swallow it for daddy? Tell me you gonna swallow it for daddy"... *Wait*... *How the FUCK am I supposed to say all that shit with a dick in my mouth?* That shit doesn't sound sexy with a dick in your mouth... It sounds like "dhghdvfklvrvhdxtywfhus" *eye roll*
So I take the dick out and say "I love this dick daddy."

So now I'm sucking HARD, jerking fast with a rhythm, alternating between the balls, shaft and head. I'm cuffing the balls when I'm on the head...jerking the head when I'm on the balls...I'm using two hands here and there but that smell of saliva is pissing me off. Its like washing my hands in spit, YUCK... But NOW he just asked me if I love sucking his dick... HELL NO... But I say YES.

My knees are really hurting now and he wants me to play with my pussy... Wait... *You're really asking for a lot man*... I aint tryna be here all damn day. Cuz now you're not gonna wanna cum til you know I'm cumming. And I don't wanna make myself cum. That's for YOU to do because for all of that I coulda fucking masturbated and called it a day without having to suck any dick...

So I pretend like I'm doing it for a second, then I go back to using two hands on him trying speed this mission up.. I'm moaning, sucking HARDER, pissed cuz I know the imprint of my teeth about to be in my gums but I really want him to cum and the pressure is about to make him bust. So at this point I gotta make him think I want this dick juice... So I say "I want that cum, give it to me"...he gets hyped... Cuz he think ima swallow... He asks am I gonna swallow. I say yea... I'm lying though. And I REALLY don't want it in my mouth cuz its hard getting the taste out my tongue... Shit smells like "chlorox clean up" and tastes like the Atlantic Ocean... But I just wanna be done already, cuz we mighta hit 6 mins by now which is 23 mins in "dick sucking" time.

He finally says "oh shit baby, you about to make me cum" so I FINALLY get enthusiastic cuz I wanted to stop 5.582 mins ago and its only been 6. So he says "I wanna cum on your face"... *shit better for me cuz I rather wipe it off my face than feel that tingling sensation in my tongue all day* ... So I'm sucking, moaning, jerking, slurping, and angling my face to catch this cum and he starts squirming and warning me and then SCREAMS like a bitch! I know its time to put it on my cheek but the shit shot in my fucking HAIR... So I jump up, not giving a fuck about his nut and run to the bathroom cuz this cum is gonna make my hair hard and if I wipe it off with water its gonna make my hair curl up.... FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

There's No Such Thing as "Vice Versa"

If there's one thing I hate.... Its when people think men and women can do the same things "vice versa"....... ALL day long when I tweet things about a female or a male doing something a certain way, I get retweeted with the response "and vice versa".... I don't care what anyone else says or thinks... Men and women are not "equal"...We're different... PERIOD... Women, you can't do everything a man does... Give it up! Men, stop starting to do stuff that women do...Like Gossiping... PLEASE! Women, you don't pee standing up and can't get other people pregnant. Men, you don't get a period (lucky you) and you don't carry a baby in your stomach. You two creatures are NOT the same...  Stop comparing two things that aren't in the same category. That's like comparing a truck and a car... You can't say one is better than the other because they serve different purposes...  Same with males and females.... I hate to hear chicks say, "well if men do it, why can't we?" Or "Men do it all the time" ..... OK and???....  YOU can't change the world, so if its set in stone that if a girl fucks a lot of men, she's a hoe.... Then bitch, you a hoe! Don't defend yourself if you want to go against the grain... Just accept it. If you think its ok for you to be with multiple men at the same time because men do it with women, its not... And honestly, its not that its not ok, but no one should know... Its not something that you should try and make a statement about. That's fighting a losing battle... You will NEVER win. There's no such thing as "vice versa" when it comes to us. 

Because we're "Ladies"... People expect us to be "Ladies"... Why would you want to be considered anything else trying to do what a man does? Whether its "fair" or not, some things just shouldn't be fought against. For the most part the responsibilities, roles, etiquette etc between men and woman balance each other out...  There's things men DON'T want to do. And there's things women DON'T want to do. So if you want to keep pulling the "vice versa" card, you might as well just be alone since you think you can do everything the opposite sex does. 

Chicks should be "happy" that there are different standards between men and women...  According to my TL, its ok for a 27 year old girl to still live at home depending on the circumstances...  But it's not ok for a man. Men have a lot more pressure on them to be "independent" by as young as 18. That's hard... I couldn't imagine having to take care of my own household by 18 years old... I was still wearing Jordans and making $1000 a month at Bloomingdale's. But for men to not be considered  a "bum" or a "Mama's boy" he's expected to hold his own weight from the time he can buy cigarettes. As a female, could you handle the same expectations? 


For the most part, it's usually females trying to pull this "equality" card. Females are always screaming about a "double standard"...But "double"  means "duplicate" or "twice as many"... So "duplicate" would mean we have the SAME standard, which we don't so that term doesn't identify it at all... And "twice as many" would mean something like "if a man cheated on you with 20 girls, its ok for you to cheat on him with 10 men"... Uhm... Yea, so "double standard" isn't really the term females need to be using in their defense. So something like "cheating on him, because he cheated on you" is never really going to work out in your favor. The statement you're trying to make will always backfire because that's not in the "description" of a "lady, woman, girlfriend." But, if you want to be a "slide or hoe", then cool. 


So the moral of the story is... Pick your sex, study your standards, and know your role.  

The Price of "Loyalty"

I'm trying to understand this "Loyalty" thing... This word gets thrown around a lot these days. I've been hearing "I'm very loyal"... "Loyalty is Vintage"... "I need loyal people in my circle" etc etc.... I'm convinced that people make up their own meaning for it as they go along. They tend to throw the word "loyalty" out when they don't want to be wrong, when they don't want to own up to their own shit and when someone else being "loyal" is in their favor. But if you didn't know, "loyal" is not self proclaimed... You're labeled loyal. And how can you call yourself a "loyal" person? Are you loyal to everyone? Just family? Just friends? Just your partner? Who? And just because you're loyal to one person or a select few doesn't make you a loyal person overall. What does it mean to be a "loyal" person? I'm going to explore “loyalty issues” in a couple of categories.

Now we've had this debate before, as far as “loyalty” in relationships are concerned... I personally believe that even unfaithful people can be considered loyal in a relationship. I've seen it time and time again first hand... Now people say that being loyal includes being monogamous... I do not agree. There are plenty of people who cheat for whatever reason and have NO intention of trading in or forfeiting their primary relationship for anyone else. Now some will say, “...but they are forfeiting it by cheating”... But I say, “ Not if they don't get caught” … There's a respectful way to do disrespectful things. And yea, I know all of this sounds bad... BUT life is BAD! In this circumstance, my argument is a huge contraction especially because there's no way to explain, condone, or defend cheating but you just gotta be realistic that it HAPPENS... So IF it is gonna happen at LEAST take precaution enough for your mate to not find out. Geez.

Moving right along ... I hate when friends try to pull the “loyalty” card when they EXPECT you to be on their side no matter what... Loyalty is not about me always agreeing with you... Loyalty is me being able to tell you “you're WRONG”.........And If you're WRONG... you're WRONG... I would NOT be a GOOD friend if I let you believe that I agreed with you and I don't. Now sometimes, there's friends that you don't tell them that they're wrong... and that's fine  because some people can't take criticism... but DO NOT tell them you AGREE. Some people don't even give you the chance to state your opinion because their standpoint on it is so solid that you know its pointless playing the devil's advocate with them. But always stand for what you believe in and have a healthy enough friendship that you can agree to disagree. You should never question a person's friendship or “loyalty” because they don't have the same point of view as you.

Lets talk about family for a minute... A lot of people are VERY family oriented... Family over everything... Not me... I treat my family, like regular people... Because thats what they are... "Regular people"... Sharing the same blood does not exempt them from “fault”... Murderers, child molesters, and rapists, are Someone's family too... Should you condone or defend that because they're your son or sister? People think you're obligated to them because of the kinship... I do not agree with this... Some people say I think like this because I'm the only child but I don't need to have a brother to know I would not be “loyal” to him if he raped someone.

For the chicks...Do you feel privileged to be called his “ride or die bitch”... Well here's some “Naked Truth” for that ass... Almost HALF of the females in jail are in there for drug trafficking and fraud. Most of those  people were the “loyal” bitch of a dude orchestrating the whole operation. Statistics show that most of the people who don't get off the hook, didn't pay the prosecutor a whole heap of money to make the case “go away”... So when its time to “pay for your freedom”, Lets see how “loyal” they are to you... And lets HOPE that you don't go to jail... because the dudes that females were with when she first went in, usually weren't there when she got out. Females are WAY more devoted to a man in jail than "vice versa." So priding yourself on being his "down ass chick" or "ride or die bitch"... Might get you nowhere in the end. A man is going to do whatever he has to do to get money whether you're involved or not. So my advice to you is to stay out of it as much as possible. Always make the conscious decision to do assume all responsibility if anything was to happen to you. If anyone puts you in the position to be vulnerable, you are the pawn, not the partner. Pawns are sacrificed to keep the King safe... I rather not go down as a martyr for someone else. But that's just me.

Another thing that people get twisted is the "loyalty of time".... People think they should be priority in your life based on the length of time you've known them. I prioritize the people in my life by QUALITY not time span... Someone could have been a better friend to me in two years than someone was for 20 years...  And my loyalty is going to lie with the person who its mutual with. I'm loyal to people who make a comparable effort to the one that I make whether its friend, family, or lover. I don't have the time to waste devoting my life to other people. I only have one.

Last but not least... let's explore this “Stop Snitching” slogan.... Hmmmm. Now I can slightly understand it if this solely encompassed being a “tattle tale” when the circumstance has nothing to do with you... BUT... people are applying this to every circumstance. So  

“loyalty” is about sacrificing your own freedom, family, goals, job, maybe even life to spare someone else's? I can't grasp this idea in my mind. So the “rule” is to be more loyal to others than YOURSELF? OH... Would they do it for you? Have they done it for you? Why SHOULD you? When is it "acceptable/understandable" to save yourself? Are there boundaries on "loyalty"?? If you have a pregnant wife, kids, you're the provider of your household, running businesses and your friend leaves a gun in your car...you get pulled over...car searched... and you're about to have to do three years of jail time and this person doesn't want to take the rap for their own gun.... What do you do?

Loyalty is about devotion to a cause... Choose your “causes” wisely. Loyalty is faithfulness to a commitment that you've made. Identify your commitments in your life right now. Have a clear focus on what is truly important to you in your life and stay loyal to that.

Does She "Deserve" A Ring?

@Al_Patron asked a very GOOD question in a blog that we did together and it had me thinking so hard about a response. Especially because I hear it ALL the time and have even SAID it myself.

He asked “...can someone tell me what “she DESERVES a ring” means?”

Now, I'm not going to tell you what it MEANS cuz dammit, I'm just figuring this out myself, but I'm going to provoke some thoughts for you...

Now maybe my point of view seems biased a lot of the time because I forget that there are people who read my work that aren't plagued with the bullshit men and relationships that I know of all too well. So some people read my words and think “o_O where the hell does she get this stuff from?” But then I get a whole bunch of Rts and say “Whew, they feel me.” lol

SO, in almost every circumstance that I've heard “she deserves a ring” it was from someone referring to the amount of “torture”, disappointment”, “drama”, and just a whole bunch of “bullshit” that a woman had endured in the relationship with her man. And sometimes it was even the man himself saying “she deserves a ring”... My first thoughts are “yea, she deserves a ring” but “from HIM?”... Hell NO. Why would you “DESERVE” a ring from someone who was a BASTARD? I mean really! O_o She “deserves” a ring because she tolerated him cheating numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she took care of their children full time while he slacked? She “deserves” a ring because she still stayed with him after he had another child with someone else? She “deserves” a ring because he gave her an STD a time or two or five? She “deserves” a ring because of all the abortions or miscarriages she had from him? She “deserves” a ring because they've been together for “no reason” for forever already? She “deserves” a ring because she held him down while he was in and out of jail? She “deserves” a ring because she risked her freedom for him numerous times? She “deserves” a ring because she had to fight with so many other girls over him? She “deserves” a ring because she put her education and career to the side to support his? She “deserves” a ring because she forgave him all the times he hit her? She “deserves” a ring because she put up with all his baby mama drama? She “deserves” a ring because she wasted her “youth” dealing with his bullshit so now her “prime” is over and she feels like she has no choice but to stay with him now? So THIS is why she “DESERVES” a ring?

I could have SWORN that “deserve” means “to have earned right”...Oh yea it does, I just looked it up again cuz I was confused. So THIS is what you want the “rights” to? This is what you're in competition to “win”??? Oh! And the crazy part about this is, I hear this “she deserves a ring” ALLLLL the time from people who've been involved in these exact scenarios. I don't make this shit up. So if this is what you feel you DESERVE for the rest of your life, then shit, maybe your ass does. I don't think anyone “deserves” a ring for all of those reasons. Females always seem so bent on “winning” that they don't even realize what the actual “prize” is. Cuz I damn sure don't want to “win” a man like that. Have I had men like that? Yes. But I KNEW not to marry them. And men always seem to pull the “ring” as a wild card right when she's about to “leave.” Anything to shut her ass up and extent his ride or die bitch until next “Foreverary.” I've heard so many men say “She's put up with so much of my shit. This is who I need to be with”... Uhm yea... she's perfect for HIM but is he perfect for HER? Don't Worry, I'll Wait

But its really not these type of women that I feel deserve a ring at all... They deserve intervention and rehab. I'm going to tell you who I think really deserves the ring.

I think the females who invest in themselves in order to have something to offer a man who's worth marrying “deserve” a ring. Not the women waiting around for a husband as a come up. The females who could care less about a pre-nup because she's going to make sure they BOTH make money during their marriage “deserve” a ring. The females who make a statement by immediately removing herself from a disrespectful situation. She knows her worth and is not going to waste her time convincing herself that this is acceptable at all. The females who don't think and act like she is entitled to anyone else's benefits “deserves” a ring. The females who understand that NO one is obligated to her “deserves” a ring. Females who are appreciative and grateful “deserve” a ring. Females who acknowledge that if they can't help with a solution then they may be part of the problem “deserve” a ring. The females who moderately stand by their partner yet who never give up on themselves “deserve” a ring. The females who prepare for the fact that all of this could go “poof” in the blink of eye but they have back up plans just in case it ever happens, “deserve” a ring. Even the females who don't like to cook and don't want to cook but knows that eating out every night is just unreasonable, “deserve” a ring. The females who understand their role in a man's life and won't try to play every position “deserve” a ring. The females who CAN and will carry a man if he falls and won't hold it against him later or kick him while he's down “deserve” a ring. And last but not least, the female who is genuinely optimistic about love and marriage as a team with no ulterior motives, hidden agendas, or dependency as an underlying theme, “deserve” a ring.

Now of COURSE, there's more to being a “wife” than all of these things. But in my opinion these are some of the most “important” the qualities of a woman who “DESERVES” a ring, beyond being able to cook, clean, wash clothes, take care of kids, and have disgustingly pleasurable sex. These are characteristics of women who have worked on themselves mentally, emotionally and financially enough to be able to “deserve” someone worth spending the rest of her life with. I personally feel that you can't expect someone else to invest more in you than you are WILLING to invest in yourself. And half of the things that I mentions are FREE... Its about character and intention not only money.

So as for me... until I'm able to carry my family on my own if ever need be, I'm going to stay “single with a boyfriend” and kid less.